


I NEED YOU

by cooloddball



Series: DESTIEL FIRSTS, CONFESSIONS AND TRUTHS [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Making Up, Sam Winchester is So Done, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26986993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cooloddball/pseuds/cooloddball
Summary: Sam is so done with Dean and Cas' bullshit. Time to get some things sorted out.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: DESTIEL FIRSTS, CONFESSIONS AND TRUTHS [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932199
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	I NEED YOU

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta @geewobbles for your input and feedback.  
> Any errors are my own.
> 
> Note: This fic is a continuation of the previous fic on this series. However, it can be read on its own but for those who want to understand it better and see how the story ends, read the entire series

Sam was in the war room typing away at his laptop when he heard shuffling. He looked up alert but calmed down when he saw that it was Cas.

“Oh, hey, Cas, that was one hell of a beer run,” he said with a smirk on his face as he fumbled with his laptop. “It’s been what? Almost 6 hours.”

“Hmm,” is all Cas said.

Sam looked behind Cas, “Where’s Dean?”

“He just left,” Cas said, his voice clipped.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he drove off.”

“Okay, did something happen between you two?” Sam was confused. The couple had left the bunker in high spirits earlier but now Dean had driven off, alone. Something was definitely amiss.

“Nothing of import,” Cas said as he headed down the stairs and towards the bedrooms.

Sam observed that Cas had a sullen look on his face and his shoulders were slumped. He was worried about his friend and his brother. Not long ago, they had been having sex in the shower, gross, he needed to talk to them about communal places and the proper etiquette in usage. They had also seemed happy when they left together earlier in the evening. But now Dean had driven off and Cas was sad? He decided to wait until Dean came home to get to the bottom of it, Their fights had started to become annoying.

“Goodnight, Sam,” Cas said standing behind him. He was wearing his trench court and the look on his face broke Sam’s heart.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked, pulling his chair back to look at Cas.

“I don’t know. Somewhere. Anywhere. I am not needed here,” Cas said.

“What do you mean? We need you. I need you. Jack, needs you, Cas,” Sam said with a frown on his face.

“Dean does not want me here,” Cas retorted. “Besides, Jack has you and Dean.”

“So Dean gets to make the decisions for everyone?”

Cas shrugged.

“Jack may have us, Dean and me but he chose you to be his dad before he was even born and you’re just going to abandon him because you had a fight with Dean? Please don’t do this.”

That seemed to soften Cas’ features and he got a pained look on his face.

“Cas, you are one of my best friends. Heck, you are my only friend. Everyone I know is dead. You, Dean, and Jack are all the family I have left. Talk to me man, what is going on?”

Cas pondered for a moment and then sat down.

“I made a deal with the Empty. I did it to save Jack’s soul when he died and I had to retrieve his soul. The Empty said it would come for me when I was happy,” he was shocked that now that his secret was out into the world since he told Dean, it was easier to retell it to Sam.

“What?!” Sam exclaimed, confused.

“It wanted Jack because he’s Lucifer’s son and I couldn’t let that happen. So I traded myself for his soul,” Cas said.

“Jesus Christ Cas, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because you had a lot going on and then Chuck killed Jack and said he would end us so it didn’t matter at that point.”

“ Now I see why Dean left,” Cas gave him a pointed look at that comment. Sam looked away then at Cas again. “Are you okay?”

“Honestly, no. I just feel like I feel failing Dean. He was happy and I took that away too by telling him the truth. I couldn’t keep it away from him any longer.”

“Trust me, I know. I have kept my fair share of secrets from him and he has kept secrets from us too. He will understand and come around.”

“You didn’t see him, he was really angry. It is best if I leave before he comes back,” Cas said standing up. Sam stood with him and held his arm to stop him.

“You are not going anywhere. I am tired of me having to lose my friend because my brother doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings like an adult. So, you are staying here with us. We are a family. If he doesn’t want you here, that’s his problem, not yours.”

“I just can’t. You don’t understand,” Cas said. He could not tell Sam about his newfound intimate relationship with Dean. Although Dean had said it had meant nothing and they weren’t together anymore or in the first place, he knew Dean still loved him. He did not want to add on the list of things that Dean was mad at him about.

“I do understand. I heard you guys in the shower yesterday. Gross,” Sam said feigning a disgusted look and trying hard not to smirk.

“Wh...what?” That is all Cas could manage.

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” Sam said this time with a smirk.

“That is over. You don’t need to worry about it anymore,” Cas said stoically.

“You and I both know that that is not true.”

“Dean said it meant nothing so…”

“Cas, look at me. Dean is...complicated. But one thing I know is that he loves you. He has loved you for as long as he has known you.”

“Did he tell you this?” Cas asked hopefully.

“God no! He would kill me for even thinking about it. All I know is for the past decade, Dean has been happier when you were around.”

“Oh.”  
“Just stay here, with us. Dean will come around, you’ll see.

Cas did not respond. There was a lot going on. But Sam was right, they were all a family, and Jack needed him. He could not abandon him, he had promised Kelly and although he had abandoned him once when he died, he couldn’t do it again. Also, with Chuck on the loose with his mega maniacal agenda to end existence itself, he was safer here.

He bid Sam a good night and left for his room. when he passed Dean’s room, he stood by the door contemplating whether or not to go inside. A lot had happened in that room between the two of them in the span of a week. He wanted to go in there and wait for Dean to come home but he knew Dean did not want him or need him anymore. so, he walked away and locked himself in his room wallowing in his sorrow.

***

This particular night was giving Dean whiplash, he had been soaring high up with love and joy, Cas had taken him on a romantic date and everything had been perfect. It had all been perfect until he told him about the Empty.

Dean had driven to a small closure near the bunker, stopped the car, and wept. He knew this was it. He had had one shot at happiness but that was taken away too. His thoughts kept going back to Cas’ confession that he had made a deal with the Empty. The one entity they knew nothing about had a bounty on Cas and it would come to collect when he was happy. What a _dick_!

He did not know how long he had sat in the car but when he looked at the clock, it was 2 AM. He needed to go back home to Cas. He hoped that he would take him back. He realized then that he loved Cas more than anything and he understood why he did what he did. He would’ve done the same if he was in Cas’ shoes. He remembered that time he sold his soul for an eternity in hell to save Sam. Sam had not understood, but Dean had done it out of love for his little brother. But him being in hell had brought Cas into his life. The angel who defied heaven for him. The angel who put him first before everything else. Cas had done it to save Jack and also to make Sam and Dean happy amidst all the chaos they dealt with on a daily basis.

He blamed Chuck, not Cas, really but the thought of looking at Cas after knowing he would be lost to him forever any time soon was bloodcurdling. He banged his hand on the steering wheel and screamed, “fuck you chuck, you big bag of _dicks_!” Then it hit him, Chuck must be enjoying this, watching him suffer, he was probably seated eating popcorn while watching Dean’s unravel. Chuck had taken too much from him, he was not going to let him take Cas away from him, too. He was done crying and beating himself up, he was not going to give Chuck or the Empty the satisfaction of seeing him beaten down.

He was going back home to Cas, to ask for forgiveness and hope that he could take him back after acting like a jerk. He hoped Cas would forgive him this time and understand that Dean had walked away because he had been afraid of losing him. Now, he knew he needed to spend every minute he could with him before everything was taken away from him. But most he was not letting anything take Cas away from him, he would save him or he would die trying. He was a warrior, he was going to get Cas back, save him from the Empty, and kill Chuck. He realized then that Cas had him by the balls, literally and figuratively. He just hoped he would forgive him one last time. He started the engine and drove home.

When Dean got to the bunker, Sam was in the war room, working on his laptop. _Nerd_.

“Have you seen Cas?” he asked without bothering with pleasantries. Sam looked up at him. He leaned back on his chair and folded his arms on his chest.

Dean hoped that he had not driven Cas away for good this time. He hoped that he had not left, for good this time.

“You mean after you walked out on him and drove off?” Sam asked, scornfully.

“Have you seen him or not?” Dean was starting to get impatient.

“He’s in his room,” Sam said.

Dean left out a sigh of relief.

Dean started walking towards the bedroom area when Sam stopped him.

“Dean, wait.”

Dean stopped in his tracks but did not turn around.

“Cas told me. I know,” Sam continued.

“Know what Sam?” Dean asked, turning around and walking towards Sam. He leaned against the map table legs crossed at the ankles and hands folded on his chest.

“I know about the Empty. I’m sorry that you...we might lose him but I understand why he did it,” Sam said.

“I understand too. I would’ve done the same thing, man. I just needed time...you know.”

“Yeah. Just take it easy on him. We need him. You more than anyone.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean asked uncrossing his arms. He did not like where this conversation was going.

“ _Oh, Cas. Right there baby, don’t stop. Mmmh...fuck me, just like that...uhhh!_ ” Sam moaned mockingly imitating Dean.

“Shut your face!” Dean said more embarrassed than angry. _Was he that loud? Did Jack hear him? Shit_!

“Look, it’s okay that y’all are together. Just don’t do it in the shower or any communal place in this bunker,” Sam said.

“You know what, I’m going to pretend that this conversation did not happen,” Dean said, walking away embarrassed but feigning nonchalance.

“I wish I could pretend that I didn’t hear you _getting it_ in the shower,” he heard Sam say behind him. He ignored him and walked towards Cas’ room.

***

Cas laid on top of his bed scrolling through his phone looking at the photos he had taken of Dean at the park. Dean was so handsome, and more so when he smiled. The crinkles that formed around his eyes and his perfect teeth. The way that when he laughed his whole body racked with mirth like that was the first and last time he would ever laugh. The way the golden specks in his eyes stood out in the evening sun. His eyes looked like they belonged in the forest, their green was beautiful and Cas often got lost in them. The freckles around his nose and his sandy blond hair. It was that and more, it was also his soul. It was pure.

Cas wished that Dean knew how much he loved him. How much he would do anything for him without a question. A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts.

He got out of bed and dragged his feet to the door. He was just wearing his slacks and shirt having removed his suit jacket and trench coat on a hanger against the wall. He opened the door expecting to see Sam but Dean stood there, with his beautiful eyes and pink lips.

“Hi,” Dean said, shyly.

“Hello Dean,” Cas responded. His heart was pounding in his chest and his mouth was drying up at an alarming rate.

“Can we talk?” Dean asked.

“If that is what you want.”

“It is.”

“Then yes.”

“Can I come in?”

  
“Of Course,” Cas said as he stepped aside and let Dean into his room. It was fairly empty save for the bed and one bedside table with a small lamp on it.

  
“I am sorry for driving off. I just needed time to think,” Dean said watching as Cas walked from the door to sit at the edge of the bed. Dean remained standing.

  
“There is nothing to be sorry about. I understand, Dean.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat, he had something to get off his chest.

"I understand why you did it. I know that I would’ve done the same if I had been in your shoes but at least you should've let me know before offering yourself to that...thing."

  
"How, Dean? It's not like Heaven has a direct line to earth where I could call you. Time was running out."

  
"You could've done something. Anything."

  
"Like what? We were running out of time. It wanted Jack, it had killed my brothers and sisters and it wasn’t going to stop until it had him. I couldn’t let that happen. I woke it up. It was my responsibility to keep everyone safe."

"So, if it had just taken you back in Heaven, I...we could have just had to live without you?"

"Dean...I needed to save Jack and the angels. That's all that mattered at the moment."

"So I don't matter?"

"You know you matter to me. Can we move past this, please?"

  
"How? How can we move past this when I could lose you at any moment?! Hell, I lost you to that thing once,” Dean sniffled.

  
"Because I want to spend the little ti...the time I have left with you. I want us to defeat Chuck together. All of us."

  
"I'm sorry about what I said earlier. About Billie...us not needing you."

  
"You weren't wrong."

  
"But still."

  
"I understand, Dean."

  
"I need you. I will always need you Cas even after...even after the empty...."

  
"I know."

  
"But I won’t let it get you. I...We will find a way to keep the Empty from taking yo. Even if it means it has to take me with it," Dean said, holding Cas’ hands and looking into his eyes with the most solemn look Cas had ever seen on him.

  
"Dean."

  
"I mean it Cas. I will do everything I can to keep you from that place."

  
“Okay.”

  
“But if I fail, I will go with you. I can’t live in this world without you. Not again.”

  
“Dean, you know you can’t do that. I won’t let you.”

  
“You can stop me but you can't stop the Empty.”

  
“Yes, I can and I will.”

  
"No."

  
"Yes. "

  
“Dean, no!”

  
“Yes!”

  
"Fine," Cas said in defeat. If he kept disagreeing with Dean, it would only lead to another argument.

  
"I love you."

  
"I love you too."

  
Dean gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

  
“Let’s go to my room,” Dean said, pulling Cas toward him and holding him flush to his chest.

  
“I like my room,” Cas said, reluctant to leave.

  
“Come on baby, you know all the supplies are there and I want to end this night on a high note,” Dean whispered as he kissed along Cas’ ear.

  
“unhm...okay but only if you stop calling me baby,” Cas said, leaning forward and capturing Dean’s lips with his. He stopped then pulled Dean towards the door.  
“Whatever you say, baby,” Dean said with a grin on his face. Cas rolled his eyes.

Once they got to Dean’s room, they changed into their pajamas and got inside the bed. It was late but Cas did not bother checking the time, he left his phone to charge and he turned to Dean who was snuggling on his chest and running his hand up and down Cas’ torso through his shirt.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Cas said, kissing Dean’s hair.

“Can’t go back to sleep there’s too much going on in my head,” Dean said, putting his hand underneath Cas’ T-shirt and running his fingers up and down his torso flicking his thumb on his nipples. Cas keened.

“Dean,” Cas moaned. Dean took that as encouragement and kissed Cas neck, slowly at first, and then he got needy and kissed his lips. Cas did not mind. Dean straddled his hips never detaching himself from Cas lips.

Dean tugged at Cas T-shirt and pulled it over his head, exposing his tanned torso that glowed in the dim light of Cas bedside lamp. Dean worked his tongue licking and sucking down his body from his neck down to the V of his abdomen where the waistband of his boxers awaited invitingly. Dean pulled his boxers off exposing Cas’s lithe body into the cool air. At this point, they had mapped out each other’s bodies and could do this in the dark. It had been a week of bliss, discovering each other, mind, body, and soul. They knew each other, it had been a bond forged over twelve years; unbreakable. Profound.

“Mmmmh,” Dean hummed as he sucked down Cas’s cock sending a jolt of pleasure from Cas’ cock, down to his feet and to his head making him forget everything but Dean. It was always, Dean. Dean licked along his shaft as he jerked him off and fondled his balls. Then he sucked on the head and swallowed him down his nose rubbing on his pubes.

“Dean, that feels so good,” Cas moaned as he tried to move in Dean’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat. “So good,”

That seemed to encourage Dean as he worked Cas cock until Cas was about to explode in his mouth. Dean stopped. He wanted to ride Cas. These past few days, he had loved waking up in the middle of the night to have sex especially when Sam and Jack were not around. Cas knew and understood, and he would never deny Dean anything.

Dean moved back to kiss Cas’ lips and his neck. He licked behind his ear and licked his earlobe whispering “fuck me.” Cas did not need any further encouragement, he helped Dean take off the ridiculous hotdog pants that he loved so much and opened his up slowly and carefully even amidst Dean’s protest that he was ready and needed Cas to be in him now.

When Cas finally slid into Dean, Dean keened and wrapped his bow legs around Cas’ back pushing his deeper inside him and demanded that he fuck him harder. Cas wanted to take his time but Dean was having none of that, he flipped them over and rode him like he had ridden Larry a mechanical bull at a bar once. He was so good at this, maybe it had something to do with him being a control freak but Cas did not mind. He loved to watch Dean on top of him. The way his ass clenched around him, hot and tight. How he moved his hips in small figure-eight motions at first and then back and forth, up and down with speed talking dirty to him.

_“Yes, give it to me big boy. Your cock feels so good buried inside me, baby. Fuck. Cas….oh god...Cas, just like that baby.”_

Cas gripped Dean’s hips and thrust into him, meeting him thrust for thrust, and finally, he hit that sweet spot inside Dean causing him to howl into the still night air forgetting that they were not alone anymore in the bunker. Cas knew Dean would not last long and he wouldn’t either, so he flipped them so Dean was lying on his back again with his legs folded on his chest and Cas buried so deep inside him that it was impossible to go any further and kissed him to stop him from moaning too loudly. He knew this position always set Dean off, so he thrust so hard their thighs were slapping painfully together but they did not mind, it was part of their game.

Then Dean clenched around him and laid pliant on the bed legs shaking when he came and Cas followed shortly after. Once they had recovered from their orgasms and Dean had cleaned both of them up, they lay naked on the bed letting the cool air dry the sheen of sweat on their bodies. Dean lay his head on Cas’s chest with one hand and one leg draped over Cas body.

“That was…” Dean said.

  
“It was,” Cas chuckled holding Dean closer to his chest. “Can we go to sleep now?”

  
“Only if you promise not to leave.”

  
“I will never leave you again, Dean. And if I must leave, we will do it together,” Cas said, kissing Dean’s hair as he turned off his bedside lamp engulfing Dean’s bedroom in total darkness.


End file.
